Monday, June 07, 2010

TFLN time

(513): First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...

(205): I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.

(339): just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.

(270): Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.

(650): we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
(505): god you guys know how to party
(650): worst. bachelorette party. ever.

(409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
(1-409): How are you texting me from 1998?

(403): Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.

(718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
(917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

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