(513): First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...http://tfl.nu/keaf
(205): I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.http://tfl.nu/44vh
(339): just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.http://tfl.nu/ap45
(270): Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.http://tfl.nu/qnn2
(650): we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayedhttp://tfl.nu/3oqx
(505): god you guys know how to party
(650): worst. bachelorette party. ever.
(409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesushttp://tfl.nu/t1vq
(1-409): How are you texting me from 1998?
(403): Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.http://tfl.nu/0g8l
(718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couchhttp://tfl.nu/gosl
(917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation