The worst writing of the year

This year's winner of the Bulwer-Lytton worst writing award:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss - a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil.

My personal favorite:

The Zinfandel poured pinkly from the bottle, like a stream of urine seven hours after eating a bowl of borscht.