Sunday, July 18, 2010

This week's best Texts From Last Night

(415): My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.

(978): went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed

(850): So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.

(714): It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time

(804): she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.

(235): I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.

(323): it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway

(773): I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics

(202): Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.

(314): Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
(1-314): God gave us a 4 year grace period.

(469): you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator

(253): waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me

(330): would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.

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