Sunday, August 15, 2010

More TFLNs!

(817): I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.

(928): I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"

(630): everybody makes mistakes
(1-630): i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances

(617): I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...

(219): I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.

(208): Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.

(410): She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

(410): She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with

(408): It's chlamydia! Thank God!

(859): Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.

(763): someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless

(816): at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?

(336): I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.

(507): Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club

(845): The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy

(760): Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...

(617): so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?

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