Sunday, August 08, 2010

This week's best TFLNs

(718): Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.

(317): she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.

(912): I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.

(913): I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!

(417): I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
(1-417): That's because you are an idiot.

(678): Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
(1-678): 630.

(703): The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.

(908): I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag

(770): my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

(952): Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.

(914): tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.

(608): you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"

(610): I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!

(954): im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls

(860): you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.

(810): According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

(978): morning after pill = breakfast in bed

(214): Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this

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