Thursday, September 09, 2010

I know you've been waiting for some more TFLNs

(817): He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"

(740): So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?

(785): Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.

(404): I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.

(415): It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.

(787): 1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. looks like i'm stuck outside a while

(845): I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....

(858): Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"

(716): Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.

(217): Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside

(256): you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

(847): You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head

(850): Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.

(817): I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.

(641): Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.

(603): Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce

(513): My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going

(334): He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.

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