Saturday, May 29, 2010

Time for more Texts From Last Night

(214): If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
(206): She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
(402): On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
(402): Update, its a couple
(403): so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
(607): Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
(614): Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
(402): All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
(512): why does the wii remote smell like your vag?

Plat du jour--guest submission

Beware of Ivy League wolves

HT to Joanne

Living with bobcats XXXIV

Rabies: Florida Bobcat That Attacked Horse Tests Positive

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

More great Texts From Last Night

(613): ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
(303): I don't know where my bra went.
(1-303): Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
(530): There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
(516): Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
(937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
(403): Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

Even cows get a day off sometimes

(Maxppp/ZUMA Press)

This is a great idea

Cartoon Network plans major anti-bullying campaign

It seems Fossella has some sense

Fossella NOT Mounting A Comeback

Living with bobcats XXXIII

California: Bobcat family makes home at golf course

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Best Texts From Last Night of the week

(804): finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.

(248): the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky

(203): Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.

(706): I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.

(805): a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
(818): god is laughing at you again

(810): can I come stay the night
(217): yeah, but no sex tonight
(810): I'll stay home

Monday, May 24, 2010

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Best Overheard in the Office of the week

Diner #1: I don't think you want to increase your vascular output for a snake bite.

Diner #2: So no Viagra.

Diner #3: Why would anyone take Viagra hiking?

Diner #2: To keep from rolling out of the tent.

Oak Ridge, Tennessee

Hotel clerk #1 to another, after seeing tv news report: Can you believe someone left that secret iPhone at a bar?

Hotel clerk #2: Well, not all the stupid people work here.

Manhattan, New York

Can't the Staten Island Republicans find anyone decent?

Ex-Staten Island Congressman Vito Fossella May Be Coming Back to Politics

Back in 2008 I chronicled the descent and demise of Fossella, the Republican Congressman who left office in disgrace after being caught drunk driving to visit his mistress and their child, while his wife and their children waited at home.  Now the jerk has been nominated to run against the Democrat who took over his seat.

I wish

DO NOT CROSS: Tourists stood on a sidewalk Thursday along Fifth Avenue in New York where an anonymous artist painted a white line and the words “New Yorkers” and “Tourists” in an attempt to divide pedestrian lanes. (Mike Segar/Reuters) Source