California: 'Babe' has her babies
Arizona: Reader Photos
47 minutes ago
(678): At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2http://tfl.nu/yka4
(908): Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
(315): His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.http://tfl.nu/73dw
(954): so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 finehttp://tfl.nu/9kja
(216): As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.http://tfl.nu/d4mm
(443): I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.http://tfl.nu/2acf
(860): letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobshttp://tfl.nu/yswk
(+49): Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the facehttp://tfl.nu/4iya
(219): My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?http://tfl.nu/0knj
(514): I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night washttp://tfl.nu/5j8j
Conductor: Tickets, please. Oh, wow, is that a parrot?
Lady with parrot on her shoulder: Yes, it is. I take him out every mother's day to see my parents. He's on a leash, though, and won't make any noise.
Conductor: Okay, no problem. There's actually a cat in the next car and a dog in the one after that.
Parrot lady's kid: A cat in the next car?! Cats eat birds. One animal per car!
Conductor, deadpan: I've got bad news for you, kid--there's more animals on this car than just that parrot.
Casual observer, not looking up from his paper: Truer words have never been spoken.
(412): Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.http://tfl.nu/z6ig
(310): i fucked a milf yesterday.http://tfl.nu/l3df
(619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
(434): i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesomehttp://tfl.nu/lk4z
(251): Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt hishttp://tfl.nu/lwp2
(815): i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.http://tfl.nu/z8d3
(1-815): you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
(630): I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.http://tfl.nu/uyli