Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Headline of the day

Boy uses video game skills to save sister from moose

It's time for more Texts from Last Night

(678): At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
(908): Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
(315): His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
(954): so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
(216): As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
(443): I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
(860): letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
(+49): Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
(219): My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
(514): I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was

Plat du jour

From Overheard in New York

Conductor: Tickets, please. Oh, wow, is that a parrot?
Lady with parrot on her shoulder: Yes, it is. I take him out every mother's day to see my parents. He's on a leash, though, and won't make any noise.
Conductor: Okay, no problem. There's actually a cat in the next car and a dog in the one after that.
Parrot lady's kid: A cat in the next car?! Cats eat birds. One animal per car!
Conductor, deadpan: I've got bad news for you, kid--there's more animals on this car than just that parrot.
Casual observer, not looking up from his paper: Truer words have never been spoken.

--Metro North

via Overheard in New York, Jun 1, 2010

The classiest flash mob ever

HT to Bil Browning at Bilerico

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Monday, May 31, 2010

I ♥ Texts From Last Night

(412): Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
(310): i fucked a milf yesterday.
(619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
(434): i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
(251): Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
(815): i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
(1-815): you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
(630): I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

From Overheard on the Beach

Girl shouting to friends: Goldilocks! Stop sleeping in everyone's bed, you whore!
--Tampa, Florida
via Overheard at the Beach, May 31, 2010

Sunday, May 30, 2010