Saturday, July 10, 2010

I ♥ Texts From Last Night

(504): My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
 http://tfl.nu/4z6k

(609): i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
http://tfl.nu/q9sr
 
(630): Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
(217): Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
 http://tfl.nu/huht

(347): Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
http://tfl.nu/buh9

Living with mountain lions (cougars) VIII

Wisconsin: Cougar Sighting in Merrill

Canada: Cougar spotted in Abbotsford, kills housecat

Living with bobcats XLIII

Connecticut: Rabid bobcat bit dog on Terry's Plains Road

Canada: Bobcat tracked after pet cat killed

Friday, July 09, 2010

Plat du jour

An umpire, I assume.

From the Department Of Redundancy Department

Patent holder sues smart phone makers over patents

--Associated Press

TFLN time

(240): I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
 http://tfl.nu/xn7n

(626): she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
http://tfl.nu/loae

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Plat du jour

I don't know if this is in reference to the color of the car.

Monday, July 05, 2010

Plat du jour

Texts From Last Night round-up

(575): We need to talk about our relationship.
(403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
http://tfl.nu/0ub4

(757): Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
http://tfl.nu/x7ms

(303): there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
http://tfl.nu/7sje

(440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
http://tfl.nu/9dr3

(917): I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
http://tfl.nu/nr6p

(401): so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
http://tfl.nu/zt1d

(956): Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
http://tfl.nu/dv3c

(804): Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
http://tfl.nu/fzwu

(304): He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
http://tfl.nu/2www

(562): In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
http://tfl.nu/hz7t

(540): Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
http://tfl.nu/2421

(630): We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
http://tfl.nu/p9wa

I'm afraid it has come to this

From Overheard in the Office
Service rep on phone: Yes, ma'am, I can find a salon near you. What is your zip code?
(sound of five beeps as woman keys in her zip code)
Service rep: Ma'am, could you speak your zip code, please?
(five beeps again)
Service rep: Ma'am! You are on the phone with a human being! Tell me, using your words, what you zip code is! (pause) Thank you, no, I'm not a recording!

Best of Overheard in New York

Gray line employee #1: I hate the human race!
Gray line employee #2: They always speak well of you.

--47th St & 8th Ave

source, Jun 29, 2010