Saturday, July 10, 2010

I ♥ Texts From Last Night

(504): My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.

(609): i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
(630): Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
(217): Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.

(347): Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....

Living with mountain lions (cougars) VIII

Wisconsin: Cougar Sighting in Merrill

Canada: Cougar spotted in Abbotsford, kills housecat

Living with bobcats XLIII

Connecticut: Rabid bobcat bit dog on Terry's Plains Road

Canada: Bobcat tracked after pet cat killed

Friday, July 09, 2010

Plat du jour

An umpire, I assume.

From the Department Of Redundancy Department

Patent holder sues smart phone makers over patents

--Associated Press

TFLN time

(240): I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

(626): she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Plat du jour

I don't know if this is in reference to the color of the car.

Monday, July 05, 2010

Plat du jour

Texts From Last Night round-up

(575): We need to talk about our relationship.
(403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

(757): Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"

(303): there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'

(440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

(917): I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.

(401): so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C

(956): Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.

(804): Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...

(304): He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.

(562): In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...

(540): Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.

(630): We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds

I'm afraid it has come to this

From Overheard in the Office
Service rep on phone: Yes, ma'am, I can find a salon near you. What is your zip code?
(sound of five beeps as woman keys in her zip code)
Service rep: Ma'am, could you speak your zip code, please?
(five beeps again)
Service rep: Ma'am! You are on the phone with a human being! Tell me, using your words, what you zip code is! (pause) Thank you, no, I'm not a recording!

Best of Overheard in New York

Gray line employee #1: I hate the human race!
Gray line employee #2: They always speak well of you.

--47th St & 8th Ave

source, Jun 29, 2010