Saturday, August 14, 2010

Happy me!

I just noticed that yesterday was the fifth anniversary of this blog. 1819 posts (including this one), and 77,187 visitors later, I'm still at it--though I seldom write the long posts I used to. I'm a very slow writer, and I no longer want to spend the hours that that kind of posting requires. So there is now very little about my life here. People who are interested in what I'm doing can follow me on Twitter.(I probably won't accept a Facebook friend request, however, unless I actually know you--I'm trying to decrease my time there also. Besides, 90% of what I post there is a duplicate of what I tweet.)

So, happy (belated) anniversary to my glob.

Semi-random thoughts

  • A friend reported that she didn't receive a resume that a headhunter had told her he was e-mailing to her. He tried again and it still didn't arrive. She reported this to her systems support. Eventually they explained that the e-mail had been blocked by the company's spam filter--the resume included the fact that the applicant had graduated cum laude.
  • I unfriended someone on Facebook because I got a recommendation for a page she liked: George W. Bush. I checked her profile to make sure it wasn't a fluke first, but she had a Carly Fiorina thing posted right there.
  • I am always surprised when one of those automatic toilets flush when I stand up.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

More TFLNs

(408): if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place

(816): Absence makes the cock grow harder.

(407): we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her

(843): I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?

(773): Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.

(603): did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.

(607): My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.

(774): I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.

(519): I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick

Monday, August 09, 2010

Sunday, August 08, 2010

This week's best TFLNs

(718): Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.

(317): she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.

(912): I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.

(913): I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!

(417): I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
(1-417): That's because you are an idiot.

(678): Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
(1-678): 630.

(703): The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.

(908): I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag

(770): my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

(952): Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.

(914): tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.

(608): you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"

(610): I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!

(954): im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls

(860): you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.

(810): According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

(978): morning after pill = breakfast in bed

(214): Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this