Friday, September 17, 2010

It's been over a week since I posted some TFLNs

(954): Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.

(281): His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled

(850): my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.

(805): my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.

(214): Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?

(785): So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?

(718): it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store

(450): I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life

(613): I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.

(510): Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.

(312): I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista

(417): He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...

(343): His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted

(973): not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down

(919): Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.

(815): Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams

(314): You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night

(902): you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.

(778): You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it

(215): I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.

Semi-random thoughts

  • The first thing one should do after getting a new laptop nowadays is to take a piece of opaque tape and cover the webcam. (Just about all laptops seem to have them built in now.) If you accidentally turn on the camera at the wrong time, or a hacker gets in, your actions could be viewed and recorded anywhere in the world. Don't trust an indicator light to tell you when it is in operation. If a hacker can get in, I'm sure they can turn off the light almost as easily as they can turn on the camera.
  • The cost of my health insurance is going up 15% for the coming year. :(
  • Burlesquer Nasty Canasta gave me a CD of Bhangra music, which contains the music she used for her Christmas number. I liked one of the other songs even more, Big Drum Small World by the Dhol Foundation. I started up a Pandora station with it, and it's really great. It's basically just instrumental, kind of Indian New Age.
  • Not that I've really done a study of it, but it's my impression that the "anti-incumbent wave" people keep talking about is much more prevalent among Republicans than Democrats--which stands to reason, as the Democrats control the federal government right now. Thus we've seen a number of Tea Party candidates eliminating Republican incumbents in the primaries. But I'm predicting that except in districts where there's a strong Republican majority, the Democrats will beat the Tea Partiers in November, keeping Congress in good hands.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Public service announcement

Estimated taxes are due today.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Question of the day

From the Associated Press:

A New Zealand air force Orion airplane was on standby to fly to the U.S. McMurdo Station science base on the north Antarctic coast to pick up the man, said Matt Vance, a spokesman for government agency Antarctica New Zealand.

Isn't the entire Antarctic coast to the north?

My last post on the mosque (maybe)

From the Metropolitan Diary column of the NY Times:
Dear Diary:

I was in a taxi, late for a doctor’s appointment, when the driver turned around and, with a serious gaze, asked if I was American.

After I told him I was, he asked if I was from New York. Again I replied in the affirmative.

“So tell me,” he asked, “what do you think of the mosque being built downtown?”

Eager to reveal that some New Yorkers believe in religious freedom and civil rights, I exclaimed, “Well, you know, it’s not just a mosque, it’s a whole community center as well, and I think it’s fine for them to build wherever they want.”

I waited for his approval, but he shook his head and said, “Well, I am a Muslim, and I think it is a very, very bad idea!”

Expecting a philosophical explanation, I asked him why.

Clearly agitated, he explained, as though it were obvious: “Because of the parking situation downtown! You can’t find parking anywhere near there!”

Stephanie Lazar
That taxi driver is a true New Yorker.