Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Plat du jour

I guess spelling isn't one of her super-powers.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Headline of the day

Segway illustration
Segway Chief Dies in Segway Crash

Lots of TFLNs

(703): Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.

(608): May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.

(661): Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.

(260): It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.

(724): I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.

(310): While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.

(646): So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.

(908): you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog

(314): You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...

(609): You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.

(516): Found your pants in the mailbox
(646): What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
(516): I don't know but there's postage on them

(754): I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.

(205): Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.

(310): It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.

(517): found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.

(850): I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.

(508): I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.

(615): Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.

(610): I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.

(908): Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.

(817): I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"

(919): Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.

(406): Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.