Saturday, January 01, 2011

Catching up on the TFLNs, part 5

(616): He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
(1-616): Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!

(530): Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.

(812): Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...

(508): He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?

(903): Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.

(647): I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask

(519): What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?

(901): My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.

(937): Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?

(859): Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.

(913): The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.

(847): I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face

To all the glob-readers: Happy New Year!

And Happy New Decade! (for those who know there was no Year 0)

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Catching up on the TFLNs, part 4


(413): she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.

(518): I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!

(480): A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.

(517): I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...

(508): i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate

(846): he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.

(502): How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast

(814): Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.

(617): mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.

(519): Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous

(817): he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.

(206): She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.

(860): i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.

(315): Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.

(402): I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.

(720): I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists


Snow 1, Shovel 0

Monday, December 27, 2010

Catching up on the TFLNs, part 3

(850): it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday

(530): Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.

(706): What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.

(240): just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five

(727): Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.

(716): My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.

(734): Walk of Shame today included voting.

(541): New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.

(814): Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever

Semi-random thoughts

  • SmartTix's new(?) print-at-home e-ticket feature does not seem to work when you order tickets for more than one show at a time. It worked fine when I was ordering a ticket for only one show.
  • For some reason margaritas just don't agree with my corset. I don't have any problems with vodka or gin drinks, but margaritas just sort of sit there, going down very, very, slowly.  
  • Warning to all commercial tweeters: I did not join Twitter to see ads. If you reply to a tweet of mine with an ad, I will report you for spam.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Catching up on the TFLNs, part 2

(360): tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse

(+49): The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?

(214): I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."

(514): I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels

(+44): Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night

(540): Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.

(315): I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.

(443): Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.

(936): the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"

(303): Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic

(605): Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.

(416): Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.

Micro movie review

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1: More of the same, but no more fun and games at Hogwarts for Harry. It's all pretty serious now, even if it's pretty clear where everything is heading. I'd sure like to have Hermione's purse.