Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Another 10 days of TFLNs

Now I'm really caught up.

(646): Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?

(208): Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas

(901): I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.

(540): The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
(703): So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...

(+44): i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...

(905): Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.

(214): I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.

(763): After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended

(920): She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.

(302): This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.

(210): Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....

(817): I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .

(604): You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people

(646): just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.

(304): You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up

(319): Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.

(204): You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.

(913): You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl

(651): That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.

(859): How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?

(619): surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.

(352): Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?

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