Monday, February 21, 2011

Four weeks of TFLNs, part 2: Sex (or not)

(978): I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.

(409): Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.

(310): I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.

(808): she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous

(215): the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.

(850): You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.

(816): My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.

(707): then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"

(410): Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.

(913): she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.

(513): I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.

(831): So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.

(630): don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.

(412): Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days

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