Saturday, March 12, 2011

Five days of TFLNs

(814): So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?

(401): I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.

(817): He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round

(517): I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.

(587): She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra

(513): Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?

(719): im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata

(913): Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.

(518): We left an ass print on the piano.

(206): In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.

(217): This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.

(845): I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an to explain?

(940): I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.

(940): Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.

(870): So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button

(651): i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.

(902): I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.

(406): i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
(1-406): haha i know

(513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.

(714): we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet

No comments: