Monday, November 07, 2011

The latest Texts From Last Night

(860): Legitimate logistical did you pee in your duct tape dress?

(425): We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.

(402): doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....

(903): As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.

(516): why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?

(815): im sober
(920): you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive

(717): He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...

(570): Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.

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