Sunday, November 20, 2011

The latest TFLNs

(412): My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life

(502): Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?

(301): he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.

(719): Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.

(610): Don't text me with that hand

(845): Just got motor boated by a horse in the street

(214): I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.

(469): Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.

(607): It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.

(517): I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?

(+44): You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
(1+44): When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.

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