Thursday, January 06, 2011

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Thugs lose one, win one

Crew uses safe room to foil Somali pirate attack

Another 10 days of TFLNs

Now I'm really caught up.

(646): Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?

(208): Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas

(901): I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.

(540): The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
(703): So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...

(+44): i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...

(905): Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.

(214): I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.

(763): After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended

(920): She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.

(302): This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.

(210): Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....

(817): I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .

(604): You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people

(646): just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.

(304): You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up

(319): Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.

(204): You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.

(913): You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl

(651): That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.

(859): How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?

(619): surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.

(352): Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?

Monday, January 03, 2011

Plat du jour

The peanut ones are my favorite kind.

Catching up on the TFLNs, part 7 (and last)

(612): we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on

(404): Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night

(520): I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.

(316): The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.

(617): My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.

(714): You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"

(907): I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.

(847): He tried peeing out of the sunroof.

(608): I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night

(347): She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her

(604): Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
(1-604): That doesn't help me much...
(604): I'm right under the moon!

Sunday, January 02, 2011

Micro movie review

The Illusionist: Sad, little story by Jacques Tati. Hard to follow, since there's no dialogue. Marvelous animation.

Catching up on the TFLNs, part 6

(336): They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.

(978): i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.

(818): At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.

(702): she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.

(214): So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.

(727): My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.

(706): My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday

(262): some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night

(727): Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs

(314): I drank myself into bisexuality again.

Semi-random thoughts

  • I find it absolutely amazing how frequently websites' default choices are not what I would choose. Facebook does this constantly, Myspace (I still look at it occasionally) and Citibank's website are pretty good (or rather, bad) at it also.
  • Wisconsin had its chances to win the Rose Bowl, but came up a little short. Still, it was a good game to watch.
  • I have finished the evening with a beer when I went out the last couple times. It goes down nice and smooth, yet I haven't found I need to run to the bathroom before I go back to CDI to change.