Saturday, October 29, 2011

Typical Big Ten football

Wisconsin beat Nebraska. Nebraska beat Michigan State. Michigan State beat Wisconsin.

We beat each other to a pulp.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

TFLNs definitely slow down on Tuesday

There are only two worth repeating today.

(240): Apparently you can coat check a keg.

(512): That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
(210): It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
(512): Is your card paying for my plan b?

Plat du jour

Monday, October 24, 2011

I think maybe Monday is when all the weekend TFLNs show up

(480): His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.

(704): Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?

(617): What time did you start drinking?
(978): Maybe.
(617): Maybe isn't a time...

(401): i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree

(630): Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"

Semi-random thoughts

  • A high school athlete's "commitment" to attend a certain college should be renamed. They are so often changed they should be called "leanings."
  • The Wisconsin football team's hopes for a national championship ended in the last few seconds of the game against Michigan State on Saturday. It was fun while it lasted, even though it was never more than a long shot. At least they can still win the Big Ten Championship and go to the Rose Bowl. Go Badgers!
  • I hate websites that give the time of an entry in relative terms, like "1 hour ago." They are inexact and require unnecessary work on my part. If something is listed as happening "14 hours ago," I have to do the calculation myself. A computer could do the calculation much faster. I'm sure the website designer's excuse for not doing this is that they would have to know what time zone I'm in, but is that so difficult?    

Plat du jour--guest submission

Found by Joanne.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Back to Texts From Last Night after a long, long time

(651): raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
(608): lets go back to having secrets in our friendship

(404): The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed

(530): Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
(530): That could use a little rephrasing

(978): I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..

(704): My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.

(781): One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?

(210): My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out

(509): walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.

(231): Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.

(+61): i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?

(512): Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.

Living with bobcats LV

Here's the round-up from the second half of September:

Connecticut: Tolland's Resident Bobcat, Large Bobcat Thought Mountain Lion Spotted in Brookfield, School Takes Precautions After Bobcat Sightings

California: Bobcat spotted in Brand Park in Glendale, Bobcat reportedly spotted near Burbank golf course, Bobcat family spotted in Northwest Fresno, Bobcats are sizing up LCF, Bobcat suspected of nabbing family pets

New York: Possible bobcat spotted near Seneca Elementary

OV bobcat is ready to pounce, No charges for man who shot bobcat

Idaho: The truth about wildlife in Boise