Friday, November 11, 2011

Catching up on the TFLNs

(651): I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.

(508): So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.

(604): i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
(1-604): please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.

(317): Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.

(416): this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me

(515): You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.

(920): Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina

(914): I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
(917): The hookers weren't a dream get tested

Plat du jour

One of the 1%.

Happy Nerd New Year! And happy anniversary to me

It's 11/11/11, Nerd New Year according to some.

It's also the 13th anniversary of the first time I went out as Caprice. No Bat Mitzvah jokes, please.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Plat du jour--guest submission

Similar to 3 KIDS, and 3BRATS. Found by Carolyn Ann.

Monday, November 07, 2011

The latest Texts From Last Night

(860): Legitimate logistical did you pee in your duct tape dress?

(425): We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.

(402): doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....

(903): As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.

(516): why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?

(815): im sober
(920): you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive

(717): He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...

(570): Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.

Gay couples aren't just like straight ones

Asking who’s the “man” and who’s the “woman” in a gay relationship is like going to a Chinese restaurant and asking which chopstick is the fork.

I got this from Apathy Angel, but it seems to have been around for a while.