Today's collection of TFLNs

(914): You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street. http://tfl.nu/q2es

(210): If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night http://tfl.nu/5uhb

(520): One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops. http://tfl.nu/4y8e

(615): A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning. http://tfl.nu/fh1x

(740): I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever. http://tfl.nu/glym

(530): sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/p21d

Fail

"MythBusters" cannonball rips through house, van

Photo By Doug Duran, Bay Area News Group

Holiday sales, yes; holiday trees, no

As much as I dislike religion, and as much as I wish the Constitution required government to be secular and not neutral, calling something a "holiday tree" is just plain wrong. As far as I know, the only holiday this time of year that has a tree in its observance is Christmas. As long as the other holidays get an equal opportunity for public recognition, I have no problem with governmental entities calling their trees "Christmas trees."

On the other hand, I see nothing wrong with stores having "holiday sales." If they want to market to people of all religions, they would be wise to do so.

Just a couple of decent TFLNs today

(682): I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery. http://tfl.nu/qxsn

(216): I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested. http://tfl.nu/d2mk

Semi-random thoughts

• Calamity Chang is ending?/suspending? her monthly Beatles Burlesque show at Public Assembly. This is one of my favorite shows, with a live band fronted by singer Broadway Brassy doing Beatles (and occasional other Brit) songs. The burlesquers strip to their music. It's one of my favorite shows, and I'll really miss it.
• After the top-10 ranked Wisconsin men's basketball team lost its second game in row (sound familiar?), I thought it might turn out to be a completely disastrous week sports-wise. But the football team came through and (just barely) beat Michigan State for the Big Ten championship. Now I'm looking forward to the Rose Bowl.
• Soap.com wants me to review my purchase. Well, OK. The toilet paper is soft on my ass.

Plat du jour

Uh, this isn't Ireland.

Best comic of the day

And, before I go to bed, some TFLNs

(508): Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated. http://tfl.nu/0bri

(620): And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life. http://tfl.nu/jjq6

(219): Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding. http://tfl.nu/1cjf

(405): No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm. http://tfl.nu/8gfx

(760): I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day. http://tfl.nu/8ipd

(303): The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you http://tfl.nu/278m

(646): Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B http://tfl.nu/w0hg

Correlation does not imply causation

Animal headlines of the day

There's no way I could choose just one of these.

Flying squirrels invade hospital emergency room for second time in two weeks

Military dogs taking Xanax, receiving therapy, for canine PTSD

Pig learns to walk upright on its front legs (George Orwell would have loved this one.)

Funny Finnish bunny thinks he's a chicken

But what about a dryer?

NASA plans first space washing machine

This article says nothing about how they get the clothes dry. I'm picturing them doing a space walk and hanging them on a clothes line strung between the solar panels.

Racism is alive and well in Kentucky

(not that it isn't all over the U.S.)

Kentucky church bans interracial marriage

Thugs lose again, 7 captured; Dog used to gather evidence

Royal Navy arrests suspected pirates off Somali coast

Navy detains seven suspected pirates in Seychelles

Royal Marines capture suspected Somali pirates after high-speed chase