Saturday, January 07, 2012

One day's TFLNs

(941): We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
(336): You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
(706): He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
(803): Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
(605): I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
(214): As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
(348): Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
(1-348): You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.

Plat du jour--guest submission

This could be a lot of things. Rapture love? Raptor love? Rap true love?

Found by Joanne.


(405): New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
(580): ....this is what your political science major is getting you?
(916): So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
(352): Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
(916): He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
(717): He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
(303): why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
(925): I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
(1-925): We just have a real special relationship.
(515): nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
(973): How did you even find out?
(1-973): Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
(973): Oh.

Lastly, there is
(609): and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
which reminds me of the old story that George Burns cheated on his wife, Gracie Allen, one single time. Burns realized that Allen had found out about it, so he gave her an expensive silver tea set as a silent apology. Years later she told a friend, "I wish George would cheat on me again. I could use a new tea set."

Thursday, January 05, 2012

Micro movie review

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy: Quite good, reducing the very complicated plot of the book to a movie-length story.

Monday, January 02, 2012

TFLNs, New Year's edition

(819): The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
(724): I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
(615): Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
(812): He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
(570): That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
(443): My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
(570): They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
(530): It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
(678): I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
(760): I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
(410): My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
(913): The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
(816): Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
(307): puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Semi-random thoughts

  • I have discovered I can turn off seeing the retweets of individual people I'm following on Twitter. I'm so happy. I once had to stop following a friend for a couple of days because she was on a retweet binge. 
  • I just got a visitor to my blog from the Maldives. I think that's a first.
  • Now Verizon has cancelled its $2 fee for one-time online payments. This followed Bank of America's reversal of its $5 per month charge for debit card use. When are they going to learn: people will not tolerate paying for things they used to get for free. It's totally different from raising an existing fee.