Saturday, January 14, 2012

TFLNs--I never get tired of them

(360): sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
(734): What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
(917): Her stripper name is Geico.  I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
(269): Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
(714): I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
(484): judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
(432): I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
(484): i told him i was allergic to semen.  he pulled out an epipen.
(989): Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
(330): he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
(484): how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
(215): you found the shrooms didnt you
(707): I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
(1-707): You did like 8
(404): Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
(937): How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
(519): I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
(519): Omg I think I'm in the wrong class

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

TFLN time again

(631): On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
(1-631): It's like a tribute to you being a slut
(706): On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo.  Proof that we really are related.
(214): How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
(813): Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
(910): You went to jail last night?!
(1-910): Just a little bit.
(910): He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.

Somali thugs keep losing

NATO 'Neutralises' Somali Pirates