Saturday, February 18, 2012

Micro movie review

Albert Nobbs: Flawed, but interesting, for a while at least.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012


(+34): You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
(570): Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
(772): So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
(757): So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
(512): Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
(541): I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
(515): It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years.  THAT shameful.
(240): Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day

Sunday, February 12, 2012

A week of TFLNs

(404): my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
(270): I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
(559): No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
(712): You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
(519): Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
(760): But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
(530): I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
(617): I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
(940): Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
(315): So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
(315): They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
(+44): I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
(501): You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
(304): The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
(248): Update:  it wasn't just our driver.  This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
(434): Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
(647): Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
(416): I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
(+61): On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
(715): An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
(973): I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
(586): I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
(641): You might not want to come home tonight.  Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
(860): Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.