Monday, March 26, 2012

Somali thugs hijack two, far from home

Somali pirates 'seize ship off Maldives'

Bolivian ship hijacked off Maldivian coast

TFLN time

(801): "Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
(312): I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
(407): work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
(541): I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
(602): She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
(917): hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
(718): She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
(316): At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me.  I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped.  Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
(757): is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
(631): im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
(214): And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
(802): Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
(619): Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
(289): If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.