Friday, April 27, 2012

The TFLNs are early this week

Not very many good ones. Or maybe my standards have risen.

(503): Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
(770): He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
(503): So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
(719): Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great

Negotiator for Somali thugs found guilty in U.S.

Somali Convicted in U.S. Court on Piracy Charges

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Monday, April 23, 2012

Yay, South Africa!

South African Navy helps catch pirates

Keeping up with the TFLNs

(402): He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
(1-402): Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
(323): He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
(310): well did you say yes?
(804): We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
(303): You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.

Comic of the day

Rhymes With Orange

Sunday, April 22, 2012

The rest of the week's best TFLNs

(407): I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
(937): They let me close the tennis center alone.  It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls.  Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
(201): Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
(+61): I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
(909): I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
(720): Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
(774): We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Last night
(303): accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
(956): Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
(214): you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
(203): Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Pregnancy: No, yes, maybe
(309): he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
(587): Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
(714): You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test.  Just saying
(303): They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
(203): I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
(941): I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
(319): Let's drink?
(1-319): Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
(727): Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
(314): No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
(1-314): You're the worst gay friend ever.
(423): It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
(714): She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out.  Now what?
(262): the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
(310): Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And my favorite for the week
(202): Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.

Comic of the day

Rhymes With Orange

Somewhere (California probably) Tom Lehrer is smiling

Search On For Person Poisoning Pigeons On The Upper West Side

OK, so apparently this wasn't done in a park, but it still brings to mind Tom Lehrer's song:

Micro movie review (I finally got to see it)

The Artist: It deserved those Oscars.