Thursday, September 04, 2014

Tuesday, September 02, 2014

The return of Texts From Last Night!

It's been a long time since I posted any of these. Here are some of my favorites from the last few days.

(618): We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.

(724): Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.

(303): Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"

(904): That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again.  Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.


(214):  Woke up in bushes  at UT didn't know I was Austin last night

(248): I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night

(212): Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.

(519): You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear

(615): I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
(1-615): Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...

(305): Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said  "eat me" on it?


(919): I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock

(686): I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?

(727): why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?

(909): I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire


(419): Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.

(902): Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.


(801): Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think

(309): Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me

Today's news round-up

Good News
Bad News

Animal headline of the day

Russia confirms death of five geckos on space sex mission