Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Yesterday's news round-up. Part 2

Good News
Bad News

Yesterday's news round-up, Part 1

Good News
Bad News

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Today's news round-up

Good News
Bad News

Micro movie review

The Big Short: The story of the housing and credit bubble of the mid-2000s, and some fairly weird guys who realized what was happening and profited greatly from it. The film is quirky and confusing even if you know something about finance. Though it tries to explain things, sometimes quite humorously, if you don't know much about finance I think you'd be totally confused.

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Today's news round-up

Good News

Texts from last night

(586): Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.

(630): The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.

(310): Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.

(715): Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?

(773): Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
(517): Who is this?

(508): i woke up in a bed of pop tarts

(306): Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment

(214): You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.

(708): I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store

Friday, December 25, 2015

Today's news round-up

Good News
Bad News

Texts from last night

Texts from last night has changed its format. There is no longer a URL for each text.

What I did last night


(630): I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"

(509): I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.

(510): apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.

What you did last night

(224): We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.

(215): I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"

(515): There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard

(913): You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us

Sex

(407): Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!

(612): We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us

(407): Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?

(248): My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..

(937): Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?

(510): I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.

No Sex

(419): Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.

Miscellaneous

(973): So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

It's Festivus! Time for feats of strength and the airing of grievances

To all Seinfeld fans (and non-fans), Happy Festivus!

BlankTo the tune of Let it Snow:
What a lovely day for Festivus,
a Festivus for the rest of us,
this is the place to hate,
let them wait, let them wait, let them wait.

It doesn't show signs of stopping,
I bought some caps for popping,
aluminum pole's aglow,
let them know, let them know, let them know.

With the feat of strength at hand,
stop crying fight your old man,
so go and drink another beer,
T'is the best time of the year!

What a lovely day for Festivus,
a Festivus for the rest of us,
gather your family around,
cut them down, cut them down, cut them down.

No need for decorating,
as tinsel's too distracting,
all you need is a metal pole,
cleanse your soul, cleanse your soul, cleanse your soul.

With the feat of strength at hand,
stop crying fight your old man,
so go and drink another beer,
T'is the best time of the year!

What a lovely day for Festivus,
a Festivus for the rest of us,
gather your family around,
cut them down, cut them down, cut them down.

No need for decorating,
as tinsel's too distracting,
all you need is a metal pole,
cleanse your soul, cleanse your soul, cleanse your soul.

With the feat of strength at hand,
stop crying fight your old man,
so go and drink another beer,
T'is the best time of the year!

T'is the best time of the year!

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Today's news round-up, part 3

Good News
Bad News

Today's news round-up, Part 2

Good News
Bad News

Today's news round-up, Part 1

Good News

Animal headline of the day

Sea otter known for cup-stacking skills dies after illness

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Today's news round-up

Good News
Bad News

Micro movie review

The Danish Girl: The somewhat fictionalized story of the transgender woman to get the first gender reassignment surgery, back in the 1920s. The film was very well-acted and beautifully filmed. My biggest complaint about the film is that people with little exposure to transgender people will think this is typical of how transsexual people realize their true gender identities. Today, at least, it is most frequently at a much younger age.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Today's news round-up

Good News

Micro movie review

Spectre: The latest James Bond movie. It's well-made, a little lighter in tone than Skyfall. Daniel Craig is as good a 007 for the 21st Century as Sean Connery was for the 1960s.

Recent news round-up, Part 3

Good News

Recent news round-up, Part 2

Good News
Bad News

Thursday, December 17, 2015

In honor of today


Star Wars medley a cappella, by Jimmy Fallon, The Roots, and guests.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Happy birthday, Beethoven! (maybe)

It's Ludwig van Beethoven's 245th birthday. Maybe. All we know for sure was that he was baptized on the 17th.

Monday, December 14, 2015

Today's news round-up, part 2

Good News
Bad News

Today's news round-up, Part 1

Good News
Bad News

Animal headline of the day

Japanese company bottles the scent of a cat's forehead

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Today's news round-up

Good News
Bad News

Micro movie review

Spotlight: The true story of how the Boston Globe researched and reported the story of how the Catholic Archdiocese there tolerated and covered up the dozens of priests who had sexually abused children for years. Excellent. A must-see.

Recent news round-up

Good News
Bad News

Animal headline of the day

Wild boar in Germany adopted by herd of cattle

Friday, December 04, 2015

Boy toy or girl toy?


I would use the word "both" instead of "either" to be absolutely clear.

Recent news round-up, Part 3

Good News
Bad News

Recent news round-up, Part 2

Good News
Bad News

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Recent news round-up, Part 2

Good News
Bad News

Recent news round-up, Part 1

Good News
Bad News

Animal headline of the day

Colorado deputies tackle 'agitated' cow on the interstate

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Recent news round-up, Part 2

Good News
Bad News

Recent news round-up, Part 1

Good News
Bad News  

Animal headline of the day

Young wolf acts as surrogate mother for kitten

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Recent new round-up, Part 2

Good News

Recent news round-up, Part 1

Good News
Bad News

Animal headline of the day--triple play

Escape claws: Tigers, piranhas may join Indonesia crocodile prison guard 

Monday, November 16, 2015

Micro movie review

Suffragette: Set in pre-World War I Britain, it's the story of a working class woman who accidentally becomes involved with the movement for the right of women to vote, as it turns to violence from peaceful protest. Her eyes are opened and she joins in, at great personal cost. The film is slow, and fairly predictable (at least if you know something about the suffragette movement in Britain). Carrie Mulligan, as the laundry worker main character, is excellent. Helena Bonham Carter is fair. Meryl Streep's part was so small it was almost non-existent.

Friday, November 13, 2015

Recent news round-up, Part 3

Good News
Bad News

Recent news round-up, Part 2

Good News
Bad News

Recent news round-up, Part 1

Good News
Bad News

Correction of the day

Correction: White House-Halloween story
WASHINGTON (AP) — In a story Oct. 30 about Halloween festivities at the White House, The Associated Press reported erroneously that a toddler dressed in a pope costume was a boy. The child was a girl.  

Recent news round-up, Part 2

Good News
Bad News

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Happy 17th--to me

Today is the 17th anniversary of my first time going out as Caprice. I guess I'm legal now, at least in New York.

Monday, November 09, 2015

Today's news round-up

Good News
Bad News

Texts from Last Night

(630): Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed. http://tfl.nu/zq9m

Halloween, continued

(978): Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you http://tfl.nu/9iwc

(803): I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird http://tfl.nu/j1op

Tinder

(815): My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!? http://tfl.nu/x6r7

(425): I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates. http://tfl.nu/11s2

Walk of shame

(360): Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid. http://tfl.nu/ony4

What you did last night

(713): Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
(1-713): That explains the nerd bow & arrow... http://tfl.nu/zef7

(863): You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back http://tfl.nu/r23n

Thursday, November 05, 2015

Today's new round-up

Good News
Bad News

Animal headline of the day

Plane diverted when smoke alarms triggered by farts from 2,186 sheep

Yesterday's news round-up

Good News
Bad News

Wednesday, November 04, 2015

Monday, November 02, 2015

Texts from Last Night

Halloween

(513): I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me. http://tfl.nu/1ljx

(908): Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top. http://tfl.nu/d9os

(865): We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader. http://tfl.nu/d4vq

Not Halloween

(813): The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie. http://tfl.nu/rp4t

(863): Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it. http://tfl.nu/weki

(778): Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
(1-778): You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed http://tfl.nu/go57

(937): That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives. http://tfl.nu/n6c3

(250): I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately. http://tfl.nu/zqjx

(585): I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER http://tfl.nu/hw9x

Recent news round-up

Good News
Bad News

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Oops! I missed an important day

I didn't get to blog about Back to the Future Day yesterday. But this happened:

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Lots of Texts From Last Night

For starters

(603): Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall http://tfl.nu/wp9b

(516): Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again. http://tfl.nu/69nn

Questions

(207): is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing? http://tfl.nu/iyy6

(814): Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line? http://tfl.nu/8b31

(907): Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend.. http://tfl.nu/iszm

Plan B

(308): He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious. http://tfl.nu/e63k

(585): I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority. http://tfl.nu/yg9j

(206): Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b http://tfl.nu/y3qk

Tinder

(520): My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest. http://tfl.nu/on57

(502): My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word. http://tfl.nu/1okt

(315): Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad. http://tfl.nu/fu61

Last night I...

(631): Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet. http://tfl.nu/yvh6

(616): i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia http://tfl.nu/4qiu

(289): I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night. http://tfl.nu/doi4

(775): I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed http://tfl.nu/6o84

Last night you...

(207): You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case... http://tfl.nu/2ch6

(608): Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop. http://tfl.nu/kr3l

Uncategorized

(407): for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning http://tfl.nu/fcai

(647): oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since. http://tfl.nu/6t09

(813): It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life.  Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him! http://tfl.nu/y3ko

(248): I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum http://tfl.nu/ah2o

(253): the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug http://tfl.nu/2jc8

(207): I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick. http://tfl.nu/zq68

(716): He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that. http://tfl.nu/hk7h

(703):  I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney.  Who does that? http://tfl.nu/21wg

And finally

(434): Worst way to find out I have a half sister http://tfl.nu/ntqn