Monday, November 09, 2015

Texts from Last Night

(630): Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.

Halloween, continued

(978): Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you

(803): I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird


(815): My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?

(425): I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.

Walk of shame

(360): Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.

What you did last night

(713): Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
(1-713): That explains the nerd bow & arrow...

(863): You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back

No comments: