Saturday, May 30, 2015

Today's news round-up

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Animal headline of the day

Police in India arrested a pigeon suspected of spying for Pakistan

Yesterday's news round-up

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Monday, May 25, 2015

Texts from last night--it's been a long time


(713): Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.

(505): Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.

You were so drunk...

(212): You tried paying your tab with the coaster

(302): You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.

Walk of shame

(636): Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work

(603): walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....


(413): did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?

(585): I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun

(270): Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit

(814): I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment

(641): The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out

(740): All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.

(614): So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.

Recent news round-up

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