Sunday, June 14, 2015

Comic of the day

Close to Home

Texts from last night

(318): Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.

(+44): I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?

(406): I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.

(203): my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.

(727): He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?

(612): You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.

(610): Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?

(914): How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?

(240): It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller

(614): You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"

(706): I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds

(806): You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on

(402): Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?

(937): Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.

(330): If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.

(224): We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"

(902): Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........

(727): I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?

Animal headline of the day

Bull yak flees at sight of bear, leaving behind cows, calves