caprice's glob: 10/18/15

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Oops! I missed an important day

I didn't get to blog about Back to the Future Day yesterday. But this happened:

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Lots of Texts From Last Night

For starters

(603): Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall http://tfl.nu/wp9b

(516): Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again. http://tfl.nu/69nn

Questions

(207): is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing? http://tfl.nu/iyy6

(814): Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line? http://tfl.nu/8b31

(907): Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend.. http://tfl.nu/iszm

Plan B

(308): He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious. http://tfl.nu/e63k

(585): I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority. http://tfl.nu/yg9j

(206): Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b http://tfl.nu/y3qk

Tinder

(520): My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest. http://tfl.nu/on57

(502): My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word. http://tfl.nu/1okt

(315): Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad. http://tfl.nu/fu61

Last night I...

(631): Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet. http://tfl.nu/yvh6

(616): i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia http://tfl.nu/4qiu

(289): I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night. http://tfl.nu/doi4

(775): I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed http://tfl.nu/6o84

Last night you...

(207): You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case... http://tfl.nu/2ch6

(608): Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop. http://tfl.nu/kr3l

Uncategorized

(407): for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning http://tfl.nu/fcai

(647): oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since. http://tfl.nu/6t09

(813): It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him! http://tfl.nu/y3ko

(248): I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum http://tfl.nu/ah2o

(253): the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug http://tfl.nu/2jc8

(207): I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick. http://tfl.nu/zq68

(716): He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that. http://tfl.nu/hk7h

(703): I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that? http://tfl.nu/21wg

And finally

(434): Worst way to find out I have a half sister http://tfl.nu/ntqn