Headline of the day

Police: Drunk Pa. man tried to revive dead opossum

Catching up on Texts From Last Night

Lots of St. Patricks Day and spring break texts. Here are my 10 favorites, in reverse chronological order if that makes any difference.

so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement

when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.

We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.

I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M

after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.

the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?

I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.

So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.

How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?

She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

Living with coyotes XV

Wily coyote evades NYC police capture for 2 days

Waste not, want not

Headline of the day

I don't know where this appeared.

HT to Dave Hilton on Facebook

Another Somali thug bites the dust

Private guards kill Somali pirate for first time

I really don't care who has jurisdiction over private guards. I doubt any Somali hijackers are going to be looking to sue them. I suppose if a Somali fisherman is killed or injured the question might arise.

Semi-random thoughts

• I realize I no longer need to carry around my little flashlight. My phone has a flashlight app. However, it does not have a pocketknife app. Or a handkerchief app. 
• The way end-of-season tournaments work, most college basketball players will end their careers with a loss. That's kind of sad.
• I've been waiting to see the details of the new "emeritus" status for New York State lawyers. I had read that if you were over 55 and only wanted to do pro-bono work, you would be exempted from the $350 fee and 24 hours of continuing legal education every two years. It sounded perfect for me. But my hopes have been dashed, for a couple of reasons. First, there is also a requirement that you have practiced law for 10 years. I don't think I could honestly claim that. Second, you are required to perform at least 60 hours of pro-bono work every two years, and it has to be within a few designated programs. So it looks like I will still have to take CLE classes and pay my fee. The only bright side to this is that I haven't wasted the time and money I've spent on CLE this biennium. I've already accumulated 15 hours, so I only need 9 more by November.
• Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck were born one day apart. Maybe there is something to this astrology stuff after all.

Living with bobcats XXIV (and coyotes, too)

Florida: Wildlife adapting to urban area

From Overheard in the Office

It's been a while since I checked this site. Here are my favorites from the last few weeks.

Female attorney to secretary: Even the three-ways are a pain in the butt.

Middle manager: I'm not going to eat until all of these problems are solved
Office temp: Wow, you're gonna die.

CSR #1: Yeah, I was a vegan for a few years.
CSR #2: What happened?
CSR #1: Chicken happened.

Elevator geek: An IUD is not a weapon. It's a contraceptive.
Elevator cougar: Depends on who you ask.

Manager: So to get to know each other a little better I'm going to ask you all to answer this question: if you were an animal, what would it be? I'd be a cat, I think.
Cashier #1: A chinchilla. They're cute.
Cashier #2: A guinea pig, because they're awesome.
Cashier #3: A bird, so I could shit on anybody who tried to shit on me.
(long awkward pause)
Manager: Okay. That's a good answer too.

Overheard in New York of the day

Shabby-looking vegan woman: Vegans have much better sex!
Black man in suit, looking her up and down: I'd rather have a hamburger.

--Columbus Circle

source

One small step for a woman...

Vienna makes first woman concertmaster permanent

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