From Overheard in the Office

It's been a while since I checked this site. Here are my favorites from the last few weeks.

Female attorney to secretary: Even the three-ways are a pain in the butt.

Middle manager: I'm not going to eat until all of these problems are solved
Office temp: Wow, you're gonna die.

CSR #1: Yeah, I was a vegan for a few years.
CSR #2: What happened?
CSR #1: Chicken happened.

Elevator geek: An IUD is not a weapon. It's a contraceptive.
Elevator cougar: Depends on who you ask.

Manager: So to get to know each other a little better I'm going to ask you all to answer this question: if you were an animal, what would it be? I'd be a cat, I think.
Cashier #1: A chinchilla. They're cute.
Cashier #2: A guinea pig, because they're awesome.
Cashier #3: A bird, so I could shit on anybody who tried to shit on me.
(long awkward pause)
Manager: Okay. That's a good answer too.