Girl: I told my mom that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life. Yesterday she sent me an e-mail with a link to petfinder.com.
--Student Center, Barnard
On a great big SUV, the perfect urban vehicle. Not..jpg)
Found on a cute, little Mini Cooper by former mHB member Carolyn Ann. This is the first of a large number of plates she has given to me. Thanks, Carolyn.
Hello, I am away until February 28, 2007 and am unable to read your message.
Son to father: Daddy, do they sell Spiderman clothes in here?
Father: No, I am pretty sure they don't sell Spiderman stuff in here.
Son: Yes they do!
--Victoria's Secret
Male suit: See, look at her! (points at woman on BlackBerry) Women are more likely to get killed while texting than men. Men are always aware of their surroundings.
Female suit: No, men just can't walk and text at the same time. Women are better at multi-tasking.
Male suit: Alright, since you're so good at multi-tasking, suck my dick and make me a sandwich.
Female suit: I've got news for you. If you keep eating sandwiches, even hookers won't want to suck your dick.
It is proven to withstand rain, wind and even precipitation.
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Just took a stiletto in the head from @helenburkett in group dance number!Who would think burlesque was such a hazardous occupation?
I was taping my little portion of the “Lips & Ears” show at Fox this week and the technicians had such a bright light on me that I was unable to read my script because of the light blindness. When I’d try to go back to it, it blurred.--Liz Smith's column
“What’s the idea behind this new light?” I asked the guys. “Oh, this is set up for Dick Cheney. He is coming in right after you to be filmed.”
Dick Cheney loves super-bright lights shined in his eyes? Well, I guess it figures.
It now costs 44 cents to mail a letter (unless you stocked up on Forever Stamps). I remember when it was 3 cents. Young woman: Do you need help crossing the street?From Overheard in New York
Elderly woman: No. It's fucking red.
--96th & Broadway
I grabbed this from Victoria Marinelli's blog (I did tell her I was stealing it).
Section XIII. Definitions have been updated to include the following definition of Spouse:How nice.
Spouse: A person's partner (husband or wife) in a legal marriage. For purposes of Dependent eligibility under this Certificate, spouse includes same sex partners who are married in jurisdictions that recognize same sex marriages.
found out this afternoon that her lunchtime Monday meeting in Addis Ababa has been shifted to Brussels, which is much more convenient.Some people live a lot more interesting lives than I do.
One show down! Steaming out my bustle for round 2!
DEAR ABBY: My older brother moved from the East Coast to Wyoming 20 years ago, which put him in a different time zone -- two hours behind me. He died in June of last year.
I am planning to get a tattoo memorializing the date and time of my brother's passing, but have reached a dilemma. My brother died June 12 at 11 p.m. in Wyoming, but it was 1 a.m. June 13 here in Connecticut.
Which date should I use? I have asked friends who say I should go with what feels right to me, but others have told me to use the date on his death certificate. Which is correct? -- DAY LATE AND TWO HOURS SHORT
DEAR DAY LATE: The date on your brother's death certificate. However, tattoos are very personal, and if you choose to use the time and date in Connecticut of his passing, no one should criticize you for it
Just for old times' sake.
If this guy were really an expert he'd figure out how to fit in the missing E.
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