Sunday, August 30, 2015

From Texts From Last Night

(419): Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops

(801): Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.

(832): Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.

(512): He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole

(608): Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.

(703): I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.

(919): I came home braless and wearing a tail....

(417): Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall

(206): Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...

(703): I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?

(610): I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?

(303): how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????

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