From Texts From Last Night

(419): Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops http://tfl.nu/gosu

(801): Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me. http://tfl.nu/uglm

(832): Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them. http://tfl.nu/x6j3

(512): He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole http://tfl.nu/x7h1

(608): Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole. http://tfl.nu/qrfy

(703): I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor. http://tfl.nu/hrkf

(919): I came home braless and wearing a tail.... http://tfl.nu/c52h

(417): Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall http://tfl.nu/s2qy

(206): Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs... http://tfl.nu/99gc

(703): I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING? http://tfl.nu/cxjr

(610): I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism? http://tfl.nu/qax9

(303): how did you set a fucking salad on fire???????? http://tfl.nu/te2j