(586): Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
(630): The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
(310): Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
(715): Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
(773): Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
(517): Who is this?
(508): i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
(306): Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
(214): You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
(708): I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
3 hours ago
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