Texts from last night

Texts from last night has changed its format. There is no longer a URL for each text.

What I did last night

(630): I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"

(509): I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.

(510): apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.

What you did last night

(224): We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.

(215): I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"

(515): There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard

(913): You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us

Sex

(407): Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!

(612): We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us

(407): Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?

(248): My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..

(937): Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?

(510): I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.

No Sex

(419): Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.

Miscellaneous

(973): So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.