A SAD WEB SEARCH

Someone just did a web search for "wife of crossdressers helps" and got my blog. I was sandwiched between Shirley Ann Sometimes, whom I remember from years ago on the alt.fashion.crossdressing and alt.support.crossdressing Usenet boards, and, sadly, Jerry Leach's horrible site. He thinks "sexual addiction, gender identity disorders, homosexuality, marital infidelity and addiction to pornography" should be addressed "from a sound Psychological/Biblical basis," "holding you accountable to the Scriptures and your personal destiny as intended by your Creator" so they can be suppressed. He has set up a counseling business to get people to pay for his advice. This was after he was involved in an "Ex-Gay Ministry."

Well, he's wrong, at least about the gender identity and homosexuality. These are natural traits that some people have. There is nothing wrong with having a gender identity that does not conform to the one society has traditionally assigned to people of your birth sex. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to people of the same sex. (And there is no connection between gender identity and sexual orientation.) People may need help adjusting to these traits (mainly because of society's attitudes toward them), but there is no need for anyone to try to suppress these traits. For most people it would be a very unhealthy thing to try to do, and most likely will be unsuccessful.

It's sad that Leach's garbage will come up for a web search like this. I assume this search was done by the wife of a crossdresser, or perhaps by a crossdresser looking for help for his wife. They need to know that crossdressing is not something that can be suppressed ordinarily. They need real information from a sympathetic but knowledgable source. I most heartily recommend the book "My Husband Betty: Love, Sex, and Life with a Crossdresser" by Helen Boyd, particularly the first 4 chapters. They recount what Helen (she is a friend of mine) learned when she discovered that the man she loved, and eventually married, was a crossdresser.

Helen also runs a message board, (en)gender, where crossdressing and transgender subjects are seriously discussed. There is a special section where only the partners of CD/TGs can post, and the wives of crossdressers are always welcome to post their questions there. She also runs a Yahoo group exclusively for partners.

Having a crossdressing husband is not the end of the world, and it should not be the end of a marriage. It certainly hasn't ended mine.