My top Texts From Last Night of the week

(256): I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

http://tfl.nu/8aru

(610): I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.

http://tfl.nu/1pbs

(214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

http://tfl.nu/a1lj

(517): My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.

http://tfl.nu/a468

(530): my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...

http://tfl.nu/yh1f