TFLN time

(+66): A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure

http://tfl.nu/u013

(202): just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems

http://tfl.nu/fumh

(705): i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.

http://tfl.nu/t3vj

(518): so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?

http://tfl.nu/nqhg

(416): I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations

http://tfl.nu/ujgo

(+61): She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...

http://tfl.nu/7mx1

(608): He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.

http://tfl.nu/cs4d

(905): the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.

http://tfl.nu/6bmb

(303): I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.

http://tfl.nu/5j68

(508): this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"

http://tfl.nu/1j0f

(303): Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.

http://tfl.nu/dbx0

(215): The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.

http://tfl.nu/fp0t

(856): it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.

http://tfl.nu/5cy5

(817): All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning

http://tfl.nu/qcnv

(586): so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.

http://tfl.nu/q1ic

(613): You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one

http://tfl.nu/l60l

(617): When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.

http://tfl.nu/g7ai

(904): Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.

http://tfl.nu/0tan

(412): Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?

http://tfl.nu/o2j7

(303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

http://tfl.nu/gvxq