Catching up on the TFLNs, part 1

It's been over two months since I posted any Texts From Last Night. There are a large number of good ones, so I'm going to break the posts up, sort of by subject.

WHAT YOU DID LAST NIGHT

(425): You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap

http://tfl.nu/o5dz

(650): You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...

http://tfl.nu/m3m8

(250): you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".

http://tfl.nu/bzic

(818): Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob

http://tfl.nu/xjl4

(215): If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.

http://tfl.nu/hl9i

(845): You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.

http://tfl.nu/r8rw

(715): I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.

http://tfl.nu/tfhs

(202): you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.

http://tfl.nu/e7cu

(864): and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.

http://tfl.nu/9hr6

(415): You kept trying to hail an ambulance

http://tfl.nu/adc4

(512): I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.

http://tfl.nu/cojk