The latest Texts From Last Night

(860): Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress? http://tfl.nu/gpyt

(425): We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party. http://tfl.nu/nzty

(402): doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question..... http://tfl.nu/jtx7

(903): As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix. http://tfl.nu/azut

(516): why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka? http://tfl.nu/od3j

(815): im sober
(920): you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive http://tfl.nu/hm58

(717): He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again... http://tfl.nu/wz8h

(570): Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid. http://tfl.nu/hx89