Texts from Halloween

(630): wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen http://tfl.nu/89g2

(587): My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween http://tfl.nu/z2rb

(405): He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night. http://tfl.nu/m9rk

(413): he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand http://tfl.nu/zcon

(714): Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
(1-714): If he was naked that was me. http://tfl.nu/ou2y

(828): Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask.. http://tfl.nu/ioqq

(703): Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume http://tfl.nu/akez

(360): There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it. http://tfl.nu/jy69

(954): in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume. http://tfl.nu/xcgb

(410): That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween! http://tfl.nu/ige5

(310): Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children? http://tfl.nu/23ha

(419): who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage http://tfl.nu/wlxq

(814): My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween! http://tfl.nu/sc01

(774): Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist. http://tfl.nu/bzfc

(714): Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume. http://tfl.nu/yo6q

(810): my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities. http://tfl.nu/947a

(250): I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki http://tfl.nu/rhok

(801): P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play. http://tfl.nu/s3w0

(517): Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B. http://tfl.nu/djpk

Plus a few non-Halloween ones:

(575): You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup. http://tfl.nu/dggj

(860): at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/ajul

(256): I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks
(747): Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either. http://tfl.nu/6mbq

(519): I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
(1-519): I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first. http://tfl.nu/l0a0

(360): Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot? http://tfl.nu/quvh