TFLN time

(802): My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward. http://tfl.nu/hjrs

(541): I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore. http://tfl.nu/k0jx

(360): You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/13cn

(801): walk of shame  this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids.  judgemental little shits.  on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home. http://tfl.nu/tt4s

(530): Maybe I'm a robot.
(831): You can't be that drunk already http://tfl.nu/ekm7

(707): She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast. http://tfl.nu/czk4

(206): We're in the emergency room.  He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face. http://tfl.nu/gmb1

(516): I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick. http://tfl.nu/yu0a