Texts from last night--it's been a long time

Shakespeare

(713): Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink. http://tfl.nu/3gau

(505): Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING. http://tfl.nu/7nsl

You were so drunk...

(212): You tried paying your tab with the coaster http://tfl.nu/mvrj

(302): You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt. http://tfl.nu/6dux

Walk of shame

(636): Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work http://tfl.nu/847y

(603): walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang.... http://tfl.nu/pp82

Random

(413): did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick? http://tfl.nu/ipzm

(585): I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun http://tfl.nu/ilba

(270): Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit http://tfl.nu/12d1

(814): I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment http://tfl.nu/ixzz

(641): The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out http://tfl.nu/o5e6

(740): All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless. http://tfl.nu/acno

(614): So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired. http://tfl.nu/8ind