Texts from Last Night

Halloween

(513): I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me. http://tfl.nu/1ljx

(908): Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top. http://tfl.nu/d9os

(865): We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader. http://tfl.nu/d4vq

Not Halloween

(813): The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie. http://tfl.nu/rp4t

(863): Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it. http://tfl.nu/weki

(778): Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
(1-778): You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed http://tfl.nu/go57

(937): That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives. http://tfl.nu/n6c3

(250): I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately. http://tfl.nu/zqjx

(585): I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER http://tfl.nu/hw9x