TFLN time

(865): He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends. http://tfl.nu/ncfq

(610): i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross.  they have standards. http://tfl.nu/8v5s

(317): I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you." http://tfl.nu/oa2r

(603): they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out http://tfl.nu/559d

(512): Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis http://tfl.nu/fz62

(903): I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair... http://tfl.nu/9cft

(417): Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off? http://tfl.nu/54ro

(360): Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone
(253): you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker. http://tfl.nu/ov6f

(504): I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit. http://tfl.nu/0gcq

(951): I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them. http://tfl.nu/loif

(419): They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that. http://tfl.nu/gjrr

(+44): You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
(+48): Poland http://tfl.nu/96rz